standing still.

sometimes, you're not always exactly where you want to be. sometimes, you look around, and see dark curtains, four walls and barred windows. it doesn't always seem right - right there where you are standing. its awkward, uncomfortable, and so you look around for an escape route. i look around for whats next, i seek out opportunity, excitement, and adventure. When I'm not at peace with the here and now, I quickly determine that I am no longer aligned with the journey designed for me.

26 years ago, i rolled over for the first time. 25 years ago, i took my first steps. 24 years ago my little feet ran for the first time and 21 years ago, I hiked my first peak.

1 week ago, for the first time since, I resorted back to standing still. It broke every habit I had created since I was two years old. It was uncomfortable, it was awkward - I stood still while new adventures passed by. I stood still at the base of the mountain - as the peak sneered at my weakness and frailty. but i didn't respond. the peak went unclimbed, unconquered. But for the first time, as I stood at the base, I knew this was where I was supposed to be. And its then that i realized that the journey of standing still was more challenging for me than climbing the mountain.

And so, if you're watching me - I know you're waiting for my next move. I know you're wondering what I'm going to do next... where I'm going to explore and what life changing story ill be telling you about next. I know you don't see it - can't see it, but this moment in time, this standing still, may be the most challenging journey I've experienced yet.

so, for now, here I stand. stop watching, you might get bored.

wide-eyed.

I lie wide eyed - trying to sleep. I'm wishing the night will let the dark consume itself and cease to exist. As i struggle to close them, my physical vision ends, and I am only opened to a more sensual reality; one where smells are heightened, touch is softer, and colors are more brilliant - one where the past years events are battling to be the opening act. Last new years eve is trying to have main stage, and this eve is begging to be the grand finale. And so my eyes quickly open. and i lay wide-eyed, seeing the shadows of the night fall on my wall. I count the ticking of the clock. I hear the can collectors passing my window. I smell the scent of dying flowers. Just so i don't have to see, feel, touch or hear last year...