December 5th, 2006.
do you ever crave to feel.
i am in a period in life where there is no time or need to feel. i am self-indulging in the superficial life. and it hurts. so i ponder memories from the past. i reflect on moments of intensity throughout my life. you know those moments when you really exist, know that you are really alive. i try to retangle myself in those intricately woven moments. i recall souls that unexpectedly collided with mine. individuals that caused every part in my being to to delve into superfluous depths of love and pain. but i cannot feel it now. so i put on the perfect combination of music and lyric to connect with me in the right here and now. i wait in the created stimulating atmosphere... wait to feel. wait to be gripped by talons of emotion that will tear at my flesh. all this just so i can ensure that i am alive. just to make sure that this is all real. but today even the music doesn't bring me back in its usual fashion. has my magnetism toward falsity finally overpowered my reality? have the last bricks been layed in my asylum which enables me to slowly deconstruct alone?
this lifestyle is not sufficient..